There's a Brand New Baby At Katie's House

From: Me
To: Mom

remember..."there's a brand new baby at katie's house"?

From: Mom
To: Me

that is THE best. can you find out how old katie is now and what she is doing? i need to know.

From: Me
To: Mom

i looked, i couldn't really find anything. i used to think she had downes syndrome

From: Mom
To: Me

what do you mean? she does have downes syndrome...

From: Me
To: Mom


From: Mom
To: Me

her parents were so wonderful. i'll bet she has a job and is functioning well.

my mom hates fake tanning

From: Mom

the tanning stuff works. i have in the house "st. tropez, step 3 tinted self-tanning lotion." but it's from 3 years ago. although the stuff works, you've got to be careful and not over-do it. one time i put too much on and i looked orange the next day, and your brother told me i looked like a puff-a-lump (or oofa-lump, or whatever that character from the willie wonka movie is called).

LOL kewt.

Emails From My Sister


Ok, so I submitted you to a make-over show. They're looking for people who have terrible style and who are just about to graduate from college. In other words, you're EXACTLY what they are looking for. They asked me to send photos of your worst outfits, so I did. And they wanted you to come in for an audition! Isn't that great news? But, the only problem is, that the auditions are taking place in LA. SO, they asked me to ask you to have someone take pictures of your worst outfits and send them in by Wednesday.

Can you do that for me? You'll get an incredible makeover worth a shitload of money, so it is definitely worth it. Free clothes AND you'll stop looking so dykey. Let me know immediately please.


the post-it sticks twice

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Mom
Date: Tue, Apr 7, 2009 at 12:48 PM
Subject: 2 items
To: Jolie


first, i don't know what it's for, but you received a check for $159 from l.a. superior court. it was made out to you at the newton address. i deposited it in your checking account.

second, i cancelled that psycho gift that i ordered for you from target because they originally said it would take up to six weeks to ship and yesterday their six weeks were up, and when i called they said "it hasn't shipped yet and please hold on so i can find out what the estimated ship date is now." so never order from target online. they're not good online. i've had issues before. BUT i ordered that same psycho item for you elsewhere and you should receive it by next monday, april 13th (jeff's address...).

here's a little story you'll find amusing, i'm sure. walking home on lincoln street after going to the bank, i was stopped by a woman who was about to get into her car. she said, "miss, there's something on your sweater." attached to my sleeve was a yellow post-it that said "not yet washed." (that's the note i stick on the dishwasher when it's not full. how it got on my sleeve, i have no idea). so i laughed and she laughed and an old lady standing there laughed. and that's when it came to me: i am on this earth for everyone else's amusement.

TY laura pwrs
----- Original Message -----
From: Jane, Mom
To: Barbara Price ; Laura Ann
Sent: Monday, January 23, 2006 10:28 PM
Subject: got to go

hi guys and thanks for the pictures barb. i fooled around with effects on the
one of laura and ainsley, with a little help from cody who just finished a
photography class. it was fun. unfortunately i unwittingly saved the changes
so the girls look rather blue--literally.

as far as lauren's chapped lower lip, we have pictures of laura and cody
visiting baby josh in the hospital, one of proud sissy holding josh, and there
is a huge ring of chap around laura's lips. all it takes is a day or two of
Vaseline to clear it up, but since i wasn't home, no one thought to do it. josh
recently had chapped lips and it was driving him batty.

anywayz dears, i envy that you both have husbands who are more computer literate
and able to help you. someday we'll get it together over here and then i'll get
some pics out to you. i got a cute one of cody's girlfriend, meaghen,
yesterday. she's really pretty.

goodnight dears. oh one more thing, i came home from work today and found the
hamster cage smashed to the floor, the cage door open and the hamster gone. i
was aggrieved, thinking of how terrified he must have been, hoping he didn't
suffer long, wondering where the bones were. i swept up, feeling sad, wondering
how i would break the news to josh. i noticed it was only 59 degrees in here,
so i turned the heat up, and was about to head out to the gym when i noticed a
noise coming from the heat vent that was a little more persistent than it can
sometimes sound when we first turn on the heat.

at first i ignored it, but when it persisted, i put mrs kitty in the bathroom,
and with hope in my heart, moved the piano forward and guess who was back there?
my beloved little bear. he wouldn't come to me at first, then i got the raisins
and was able to tempt him into my hands. poor little dickens, he didn't want to
go in his cage, the little bit of bedding that was left must have smelled like
cat, so i had to wash down the cage, and put in new bedding etc. he is now up
in laura's room with the door shut and i am nervous for him.

the scary thing is, when i thought about it, i realized that the cat had come
out from behind the piano, there is a strip of heating duct back there, and mrs
kitty was right on top, waiting i suppose for that tasty morsel to venture
forth. so it's either little bear or mrs kitty, one of them has got to go.

xoxo, janie

you 4got your booster seat

Email from my mother to my sister.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Mom
Date: Sat, Apr 4, 2009 at 6:01 AM
To: Jolie

we are going to send you another "booster seat" for your car, like the one you had before. also, i notice that you didn't take that head/neck support thing that attaches to the top of the booster seat. do you want us to send that too? (isn't it uncomfortable without that?)

i want to make sure the car is okay before anything, so please let me know after you've brought the car in for service (dad told me about the smoking. i hope it's not serious.)