from: Mom
subject: Re: father's day ipod

i went to the apple store just now and bought dad a nano ipod.  i figured it was within my budget plus it's purple plus a thousand songs will probably last him til he's shipped to the nursing home.
thank you, jolie, for all your help and advice.

MORE Yearbook Pushing! (Love YOM)

thnx mia!

From: Mia

To: Mom
Subject: Re:

Got your grad pic with Liebergott.  You look about six feet tall next to her.  By the way, is there any way you could get a copy of your pic that was used in the yearbook? 

Love, YOM (Your Old Mom)

From: Mia

To: Mom
Subject: Re:

I can't wait to see that picture, I bet it's pretty funny. I don't have a yearbook picture, remember? 

From: Mia
To: Mom
Subject: Re:

Hold up!  Remember you told me that a friend of yours was  going to take a pic of you for yearbook?  Guess that didn’t happen and now all I have is this one professional pic.  I’m mad!!!

That was very important to me.  I just might make you go in a get a professional pic done.

Love, Mom


 This was kind of funny in a furiously manic way.  My mom cosigned one of my student loans, and then opened a piece of my mail with a balance statement.  I borrowed $40,000 total with interest.  I have about 20 years to pay it off. I am still puzzled as to what I allegedly lied to her about.  At nearly retirement age, you'd think she would understand how lending works more than this. (*For the record, Emerson was not worth it).



From: Susie's Mom
To: Susie

Susanna, how am I going to keep my home?

You owe 40,000.00 next year.  If you don't pay it, they will take away my house.

I have put my house on the line for you and you lied to me.  
You have put us both in great jeopardy. 
I hope Emerson College was worth it.

My mom hates Howie Mandell

From: JJ
mom's crazy. below find out why:

To: Mom
From: JJ
Subject: FWD: Deal or No Deal Casting Call!

Hi J,

Do you have nerves of steel? A killer instinct? Raw intuition and an amazing personality?Do you want the chance to win $1 million dollars?
Come to the Open Casting Call for DEAL OR NO DEAL!


From: Mom
To: JJ

NEVER! howie mandell is the biggest idiot.
btw, i wanted to tell you that the enchanted village was auctioned off and eliot tatelbaum (jordan bros.) won! it's going to be at jordan bros. avon location (where the hell is that), from november to i guess january. it cost him $140,000. (if i knew it was so cheap, i would've bought it myself, and set it up in our basement.)

From: JJ
To: Mom

LOL...that's really funny. but im glad they auctioned it off and that it will live on, even if it's not in boston.

that's really nice that he bought it and wanted to keep the tradition alive.

why is howie mandell and idiot? who cares? suck it up. you could win one million dollars!!!

From: Mom

howie mandell is an idiot because he just is. have you ever HEARD him SPEAK? i would lose any speck of self-respect if i appeared on that idiot's show.

he just says stupid things and he's really anal and immature. he's not likeable at all. i can't stand him. leave me alone. anyway, i hate those type of shows where americans act like morons.

Emails forwarded from your mother

From: PETER.

I recently got a call at my job from a customer who was from the same town as my grandparents. Through small talk, I found out that this customer actually knew my grandparents and goes to church with them every Sunday. Adorable. My mom thought this was too much of a coincidence, so she emailed my grandmother to tell her the funny news. My grandma's 80 year old brain somehow interpreted this information to mean that I somehow called this gentlemen asking if he would hire me. She got very excited thinking I was planning on using my Emerson Degree to pursue a job in Appleton, Wisconsin. This was my grandma's dissapointed response email to my mom when she found out that no, I was not planning on moving to Appleton.

From: Grandma
Sent: Sunday, May 31, 2009 6:12 AM
To: Mom
Subject: Re: Your Daughter Here


To bad, we had Peter for one month in the guest room driving the Cadillac to work and paying the money down on his relatively nice

apartment.  Paying first month.  We are so good. The benefits are so good here. Have him try R.R. Donnelley. Conkey's provides books to Lawrence, the tech school.


We love you.


Take Care.


My mom was in the documentary I made for a class last semester, and she absolutely hates appearing on camera. She's STILL probably thinking about her cameo, and she watched it like last week.  Also, wasn't nasal sounding AT ALL, and everyone loved her interviews.

From: Mom
Subject: father's day

please let me know if you are buying an ipod for dad.  if not, i need to do it.  also, if i'm getting one for him, i could use your advice about which one to get.
p.s.  am i REALLY as nasal and annoying as i appear in your documentary?


From: Jolie

To: Family


938 **** Ave

Los Angeles, CA

From: Sage
To: Family

I'm moving in the beginning of August. You are all welcome to give me cash which you can transfer into my bank account at your earliest choosing.

From: DAD
To: Family

I think you and Jolie have the swine both seem kinda nuts.

Love, Dad

TWEETS from my Dad!

@bjanx: Obama tweeted me
Re: No Subject
From: Mom

p.s.  clean your room.  put gas in the car.  and please let us know your life's plan by this friday.

let your people know that facebook is DANGEROUS

Re: No Subject
From: Mom

let your people know i deactivated my facebook account because some of my emails you posted were taken out of context (oh great; now it sounds like i'm a republican). 
there were one or two that were quite crude, but were meant as a spoof to cheer someone up.  i don't want anyone judging me (unless they think i'm splendiferous).
and i've got to say, although facebook can be a lot of fun, it's so damn dangerous.