gCHATS with my mother!

One of my faves!

From Thia:

(***NOTE: i was logged into gChat chatting w/ my friend rebecca. rebecca's status message said "THIA CLOSE YOUR LEGS" and mine said "REBECCA SPIELMAN I AM GOING TO SHOVE YOUR FACE IN SHIT. a little while later, my mother - who somehow figured out how to use gChat along the way - sent me an IM. this is the conversation we had.***)

Despie: Thia - what's up with your signature? who is rebecca???
me: one of my best friends
Despie: is this a joke?
it looks kind of ...uh....creepy to someone who doesn't know what's up...
me: no, mom it is not a joke
Despie: what happened?
me: i am really going to shove my friends face in shit
Despie: why?
whose shit?
me: i don't know yet. haven't gotten that far
but she's got it coming. TRUST
in god
Despie: Oh, thia - did she betray you somehow? Or hurt Doug or something?
Despie: why did she punch him???
can he file charges???
me: no mom, it's my best friend
he likes getting punched
drinking punch...
getting punched....
Despie: OK - well, i don't really understand this, obviously, but i do want to say as an outsider that it's not a great signature for someone - It looks rageful and dry-drunkish. Creepy.
Sent at 4:06 PM on Friday
me: mom
it is JUST a joke
Despie: ok-i'm confused. It doesn't look like a joke.
but i will not interfere, obviously. just giving you a reality check on how it looks to the world.
me: mom i have tears running down my face from laughing so hard
you are coming off kind of nutty
like a funny nutty mom
Despie: especially since you have worked so f*cking hard and done such an amazing job being the person you want to be...it just is kind of weird since you spent so many years NOT wanting to be seen as someone who will shove shit in someone's face...
ok. laugh away.
me: NO mom - i am JUST joking
i'm not ACTUALLY going to shove anyone's face in shit
it is JUST a joke
and i'm sure everyone in "THE WORLD" that you think i'm coming off to
knows i am joking too
Despie: Quit calling your friends and telling them how dopey your mom is...I know you are! Anyway, I love you...
ok - i don't know about the world
so is the punch thing a joke, too???
me: YES
it's all a fucking joke
Despie: drinking punch - that's a serious thing, you know...
me: to make fun of you
but i LOVE YOU
but youre gullible as hell
Despie: well, i don't like shit.
me: i was just messing w/ you
Despie: don't like the smell.
me: i know you don't like shit, mom
Despie: don't like the squishy part.
hate stepping in it.
me: MOM.
seriously you're being really weird
Despie: why not shove a pie in her face?
coconut cream. mmmmmmmmmmmm.
me: goodbye, mom
Despie: ok - gotta go back to work.xoxox
me: ok mom, i love you

Daily Mail, Love Mom

Emails From My Mother:


“You should write something happy. Just because you’re depressed, doesn’t mean you have to depress the entire world.”


“I don’t mind when it is funny, but do you have to be so “dirty?”


“Before you show pictures of your room you should hang up your clothes.”

Love Pa

From Peter:

It is snowing we have about 7" at this point. I am going to Conifer
in a bit to put $250 in your account--the roads are terrible--I am
risking my LIFE for you--I hope you appreciate it. O K it's not that
bad, and I have to go anyway--grandma needs vodka.
I love you,

Oceans 11?

Our friend Jeff jokes about Oceans 11, Oceans 12, Oceans 13, Oceans 14, The Oceans 11 DVD Club, and anything of the sorts. One day, he IMed my sister, who left her AIM up, asking her how many Oceans 11 she owned.

From: Mom
Subject: i'm confused
To: Jolie

hi. i just got off the phone with you and went to check my messages on my computer before bed. and there was this instant message from jeff and it said, "how many ocean 11's do you own." so now i'm really confused because i think chloe's IMs still come up on my computer and i'm pretty sure jeff wasn't asking me. don't call me now because i'm going right to bed. but, huh?

Email (response) (from my brother)

Note: Rosa used to come clean the house occasionally. She was our "cleaning lady." I hate that term, but whatever, she's a lady and she cleans.

From: Mom
To: Me

thanks, y'all (by the way, lauren's wedding was beautiful and everyone sends their love) for getting back to me with luggage info.

but there's just one suitcase that's still not accounted for. do any of you have the largest piece? it's tan with black edges, and it's on wheels. or do you know where it could be? i think i've looked everywhere (but you know me...).


From: Sage
To: Mom
Subject: Re:

blame rosa :)

Mom: Yearbook Pusher

From Jake:
My mom's a master of passive aggressive persuasion...

Subject: 2009 Yearbook
From: Mom
Date: Tue, Jan 20, 2009

In case you are interested: McGrath Studios will be on campus on Thursday, Feb 12th. Sign up on line at www.mcgrathstudios.com. Your password is "EC". There is a $5.00 sitting fee. This is the last time for 2009.

I don't know if you are interested but perhaps you should look into the price of the yearbook and the price of the portraits. Of course, you can take the picture for the yearbook and not be obligated to buy the photos... I'll leave it up to you. Let me know what you think.

Date: Tue, Jan 20, 2009 at 2:25 PM
To: Mom


I have pretty many pictures of all my friends, and there are a lot of dumb people at this school that I'd never like to see again, so, I think I'll do without the yearbook.

I also can't fathom handing Emerson one more cent for ANYTHING in life. So...

Thanks for e-mailing, but I think I'll decline.

Have a good day!

From: Mom
Date: Tue, Jan 20, 2009
To: Jake

OK, I just wanted to deliver the message to you.

From: Jake
Date: Tue, Jan 20, 2009 at 2:45 PM
To: Mom

Gotcha. Thanks!


(he's done and she keeps going)...

From: Mom
Date: Tue, Jan 20, 2009 at 3:01 PM
To: Jake

I understand and respect your decision, but you might want to take the picture and get yourself into the yearbook to at least feel some satisfaction to being included in the group of elites who will also be graduating. You might want to show this off to your children one day as they may want to become Emersonians also.

Also, I would like for you to be in the yearbook even if we don't purchase.


Emails From Meghan's Mom...

i was deleting old emails and i found this one from when i emailed my mom that i had to go to the hospital for a spider bite when i was in australia.

You've got to be kidding me. Maybe you shouldn't wear jeans!!!!
Painkillers for a spider bite? WOW!!!

Well I am glad you are fine. We asked the spider to do that because its
a LOVE bite for Valentines day!!

We just had lobsters with Nana. It was delicious. Star Market cooked
them and broke them apart for us so it was easy to eat.

Hope you are having fun.

Love, Mom

Emails from...

This is from Liz:

once i got this from my mom. i don't know why she was sending me to a hardware store on newbury st when i lived in the north end and needed a normal lightbulb.

From: Mom
To: Liz

I remembered you wanted to get a light bulb. You may find one at the hardware store on Newbury St.
Love mom

before it finally petered out to...

From: Me
Subject: David Sedaris quote from MTPOD
To: Mom

It often seems that my brother and I were raised in two completely different households. He's eleven years younger than I am, and by the time he reached high school, the rest of us had all left home. When I was young, we weren't allowed to say "shut up," but by the time Paul reached his teens, it had become acceptable to shout, "Shut your motherfucking mouth." The drug laws had changed as well. "No smoking pot" became "No smoking pot in the house," before it finally petered out to "Please don't smoke any pot in the living room."-Me Talk Pretty One Day

From: Mom
Re: David Sedaris quote from MTPOD
To: Me

yeah, well, i still mean it: NO SMOKING - ANYTHING - IN MY CAR. every time i drive my car, everything i'm wearing gets smoked. and i want my clicker back, please.

respect your elders...