< 3

Me:first you have to type a < then 3 and it looks like a heart. kind of.

Dad (on g chat): ♥ ???

Me: nice!

Dad: How the fuck did it turn over and turn red???

(NEW!) BEST OF: Do Not Post About Your Boobs on Facebook

From: Mom
To: LS

You are almost 24 and getting a master's and might be looking for a job someday, and/or trying to make contacts in Europe with adults who might employ you. I REALLY don't think, for the sake of your own self-esteem first of all, and second of all for your resume and for whoever you might want to take you seriously, that you should put posts about your boobs on facebook. I'm serious. AND DO NOT SEND THIS TO EFMM! Or, if you want to, go right ahead, maybe it will give some other young women good advice! OY. You don't see guys putting posts out there about how they wish their penises were bigger, do you? YOU NEVER KNOW WHO CAN READ FACEBOOK, and it makes you sound dumb and like a young woman with low self-esteem. How about a quotation about a favorite piece of artwork instead? Okay, I'm done now. 
Love, your feminist since 8th grade wise and smart mother!!!!!!

The Trash Goddess

From: Dad
To: Landlord

CC: Family

In response to your email about recyclables, where does the glass go?

From: Landlord
To: Dad

Glass, plastic and metal cans all go together.

From: Mom
To: Dad

i know i have been away for a while.  but excuse me.  i am the trash goddess.  in the future, please direct all your trash and recycle queries to ME.

it's a matter of respect.

From: Dad
To: Mom

Trash goddess? Maybe you should tour with Charlie Sheen.  I'll back off on all future garbage initiatives.