Bloody Mom

From: Mom
To: Barrie

fyi my sinuses are bleeding


From: Mom
To: Nikki

hi nikki...i was watching david letterman and MGMT performed tonight...

do they always wear capes?

Mom's Review of True Blood

To: JJ
From: Mom

Did you see True Blood last night? What a bunch of soft-core porn.


To: Me
From: Dad

Where do you want to go out for dinner tonight?

P.S. Li-Lo (or as I call her, Lie-Lo, because she's a liar) is a real idiot.

Too Much Perfume

To: Me
From: Mom

yesterday as you were leaving for a night out, it reminded me that i wanted to offer some suggestions about perfume-wearing.

the scent of perfume should be sensual, soft, and mesmerizing.

if you've applied perfume to your body, you should NOT wish for people in your vicinity to: become faint or disoriented, have a seizure, vomit, or develop a severe migraine.

thank me later.