Mom on 'Alana Del Ray' Video

From: Megan
I made a funny video thing! 
You can watch it here: (Shit Lana Del Ray Says)
I hope you like it!
It's dumb. It's sooooo dumb.

From: Mom
To: Megan

Hi Megan,  Thanks for sending your video link. We always enjoy watching you. We had to research Alana del Ray (found out her real name is Lizzie Grant). Are you going to put it on youtube? Then you can see how many hits it gets, right? You are beautiful even when you're portraying a "dizzie broad." We love you, Mom & Dad


To: Family
From: LJ

i love THIS! anyone wanna go to burning man?

To: Family
From: Dad

I think I may be smoldering right now.  Do you have to camp out and are there bugs? 

Tiny White Bowl That Sat Next to Tiny And Serious Chinese Man is Missing

From: Mom
To: Me

you asked me to describe the tiny white bowl that i've been looking for, for about a week now.  i can't think of any new way to describe it.  i'm thinking if you find a tiny white bowl, you won't be asking yourself if this is the one i'm referring to.   it's about the diameter of a quarter.
i always kept it on the shelf in the bathroom, on top of the little rock where that tiny and serious chinese man is sitting with folded legs.  don't mock me.  i think the tiny and serious chinese man was originally an ornament for a bonsai plant we couldn't keep alive.  i have no idea where the tiny white bowl came from, but it just looked right, sitting beside the tiny and serious chinese man. 
so please let me know if you find it.


From: JS
To: Mom

FYI, I sneezed on the blanket on the couch by accident. dunno if u wanted to wash it or not.  Also, the remotes may or may not be covered in germs. 

From: Mom
To: JS

oh, don't be silly.  why would i want to wash the blanket that now has your wet flu germs all over it?
does it please you to be disgusting?  this is right up there with your brother saying he doesn't believe in bacteria.

Four-Year-Old Puppet Makes Art

From: Me
To: Family

THIS is ridiculous.

From: Dad

I’m pretty sure it’s not a 4 year old but a puppet… and the parents are probably artists (con artists) and the paint was photoshopped.  This art video is weirder than the republican debates.