Always My Favorite Shopping Assistant

From: Mom
To: Me

i want to help you go shopping for your trip to israel. i think a pair of jeans is a good staple to have with you. find out what the weather is like in may. you might need to bring some unslutty shorts. also, start breaking into those new sandals by walking around with them in socks. love you

A Reminder To My Daughter Abroad

From: Mom
To: Lisa

Spring in Southern France! Have a fling!

Subject:

Note: "kids"=Mom is a 1st grade teacher...

From: Mom
To: Mia
Subject: When I eat tuna sandwiches and talk to my kids, they back off; I feel bad and apologize for my tuna breath.

She Got Her WHAT?

From: Mom
To: Kristen

So Aunt Maria texts me this morning...Yesterday Kristina got her period for the first time. Maria happened to be on the phone with Uncle John at the time. So Kristina called her from the bathroom and told her what happened, and Maria told John. He says, "WHAT! SHE GOT HER WHAT!?" Then, "I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS, I GOTTA GO. I GOTTA GO." And hung up. Maria was hysterically cracking up!

I told her what is he going to do when she gets married? He'll be a basket case, lol

From: Kristen
To: Mom

Ew.

Spring Cleaning!!!!!!!

From: Mom

To: Family

Subject: FUN DAY!!!!!!



dear family,

tomorrow (saturday) is the day we all have to do our part, to contribute 100$, i mean 100%, to get our home ready and in spit-spot shape.

we can have pizza and sing camp songs all day! we will work together all day long and have group hugs every hour on the hour.

who's on board?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!

love,
mom

also, there may be a raffle. or i may hide the affikomen from some leftover matzoh.




From: Dad

To: Family

Re: FUN DAY!!!!!!!



WoW!!!! Sounds like a fun-bonanza. I'm definitely in.


FWD:

My mom forwarded this to me via email. I have no idea WHO these people are or where Bradford Rd. is, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't know an Edie, making this a FWD of a FWD and completely useless. Thanks Mom!

From: Mom
Subject: FWD: lock your cars and keep valuable inside

The handbag of my friend on Bradford Road was stolen from her unlocked car last night. Also, Justin found evidence that someone went through his car last night (nothing stolen). It doesn't seem that the thief or thieves are breaking in at this time (my car was locked and had something valuable in it). We should just take some simple precautions...
Edie


For the Fridge

From: Mom
To: JJ

i think i already asked you for a photo of you and jeff. i would like a LOVELY photo (not like your xmas card disaster). i need it for the fridge.

thanks.

Christmas Trees & Salad Forks

From: Mom
To: Me

1. it's april. passover is done with. are you okay if we take the fake christmas tree down now?

2. why do we keep losing salad forks? we're now missing about six of them. any thoughts about where they might be?

mom

You Are PERFECT!

From: JJ

To: Mom and Dad


I made this picture...

(attached)



From: Mom

To: JJ


its perfect. do dad and i have creative kids or what.

mom



From: Dad

To: JJ


You rock JJ! Let the creativity flow...


Good Student Discount

To: Anna
From: Mom
[Facebook wall post]

Amica Insurance just called and told me that we're getting a refund check for the "Good Student Discount"...Ironically it's 1/1000 of your tuition...

Scallops For Dinner?

From: Mom
To: Liz

Hey
I have a Dr's appt at 5:30. He wouldn't give me drugs for the plane unless I came in. So Hopefully I shouldn't be long. I was thinking of scallops for dinner. Dad won't be home until 8:30. what do you think? Text me so I know to buy the scallops. Have a good rest of the day. Love you.
Mom


A Package Sent 3,000 Miles


A PB & J and $10

[Submitted by Elizabeth]

Why We Never Helped You

To: Mom, Dad
From: JJ

[LINK]

THAT'S the reason we never helped you, Mom! We weren't "trained" to help you. We never did the dishes, swept or mopped the floor, cleaned, made our beds, etc. But, we did mow the lawn, and we did wash and clean the car(s) and we always helped dad shred paper at work, and did the groceries whenever he asked.

You probably should have bought this one instead:


At least I know for the future...


To: JJ
From: Dad

I'm not sure you guys would understand either of these books. They have words in them about helping. jk :-)


To: JJ
From: Mom

we DID have both books but i don't know what happened to "we help mommy" (hmmmm). i love those books, the way the kids are treated like slaves.


HAPPY EASTER (TEXT)

Mom: THE EASTER BUNNY HAS NOT FORGOTTEN YOU.


[Submitted by Elizabeth]