From: Mom To: Me Steven's film is coming out in August! From: Me To: Mom No idea who you're talking about LOL From: Mom To: Me oh that's right you never met him. the other kids met him at the wedding. that was the time you posted a party invitation for our old house on facebook when you thought the rest of us would be in north carolina at the wedding but we found out about your plans and dad ended up staying home with you. steven is lynn's nephew. |
PARTY PLANS: FAIL
THE SLUTTY WHITE SHORTS CHRONICLES
From: Mom
To: Me
i love you so much, and i think you're beautiful. so i hope you don't take this the wrong way: please stop wearing those slutty white shorts.
mom.
To: Me
i love you so much, and i think you're beautiful. so i hope you don't take this the wrong way: please stop wearing those slutty white shorts.
mom.
From: Mom
To: Me
i will give you ten dollars if you let me throw out your slutty white shorts.
another thing. you accuse me of mood swings. but you didn't spend your evening cleaning out cat shit from three litter boxes of the cats that are supposedly your daughter's. and then after you brought all the trash to the curb, your husband didn't inform you that he stepped in dog shit and it got embedded into the soles of his sneakers that have a million tiny little grooves. and while you're having a little hissy fit, you didn't hear your rich next door neighbors in their yard, being all happy and perfect, speaking to each other sensibly and calmly, even the kids.
so don't tell me.
To: Me
i will give you ten dollars if you let me throw out your slutty white shorts.
another thing. you accuse me of mood swings. but you didn't spend your evening cleaning out cat shit from three litter boxes of the cats that are supposedly your daughter's. and then after you brought all the trash to the curb, your husband didn't inform you that he stepped in dog shit and it got embedded into the soles of his sneakers that have a million tiny little grooves. and while you're having a little hissy fit, you didn't hear your rich next door neighbors in their yard, being all happy and perfect, speaking to each other sensibly and calmly, even the kids.
so don't tell me.
i cannot tell a lie: kallie threw out the sluttywhiteshorts.
just kidding. i did. but, listen. think of the anguish and torment i went through before i did it. it was my own personalsophie's choice:
i had to temporarily lie to my daughter (and you KNOW i'm a big fan of truth), or else risk having something bad happen to her because she wouldn't stop wearing slutttywhiteshorts.
can you ever forgive me?
mom.
Browse through our entire "BEST OF EFMM" section HERE.
Floppy Disc
From: Mom
To: Kids
has anyone seen the floppy disc labeled "Winter Speech"
From: Mom
To: Kids
HELLO???????? ANYBODY????????
From: JJ
To: Mom
Sorry, I didn't respond because I thought that was a joke. Last time I saw a floppy disc I was eating baby food. So no, I haven't seen your FLOPPY DISC.
From: Mom
floppy disc, compact disc YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT. i need it ASAP.
From: Mom
THANK YOU ALL FOR RESPONDING TO ME. i found my disc and am not cooking dinner for anyone anymore.
Affirmations From Dad
From: JJ
To: Family
ENJOY!
From: Dad
I like my kids. I like my soulmate. I like my remote control. I'm done.
That was fun kneee.
The Lies of Facebook
To: Mom
Why did you delete your Facebook? Did it have anything to do with your account getting HACKED yesterday?
From: Mom
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