Dunkin Donuts is Hiring...

From: Mom

I know you'll find it as an insult, with your college degree and all, and as disappointing as it is, you need to lower your standards right now. YOU NEED A JOB. I've been looking on Craigslist...here is an option. Please consider it and don't get mad. http://cnj.craigslist.org/fbh/1512578388.html

love, mommy

[AD:

Dunkin Donuts (Middlesex county)

Dunkin donut in different locations in middlesex county looking for hordworking, flexible and motivated crew members .Must available over the weekeneds. Competative hourly Pay plus good tips.

If interested please call Jeff 609-xxx-xxxx]

To: Mom

Re:

Why would I be insulted? That's not insulting at all. Jeff only made 8 grammar errors in that two-sentence ad. I will absolutely call him in the morning. Maybe they'll let me clean the bathrooms?

Parking Ticket

From: Mom

To: BW

You got another parking ticket in LA this time for 45.00 on 4/17 at 6730 DeLongpre Ave. at 6:38 PM. Do you remember getting this? Why aren't you answering any of my emails? Do you read the signs?? Did you know I've never received a parking ticket in my entire life? And this is your sixth in the last year?? Love you.

Mom

Mom Loves "The Virgins"

from: mom

to: KL

i remembered that song i was trying to think of.

it was the virgins' "rich girl". ("broken mirror on the bed. he says, so what, he was going to clean it up. then he tells her, 'you don't have to be such an asshole all the time.'")

VOICEMAIL: "your facebook makes you look like a lesbian"

You can find the mp3 here

STOP SHOOTING YOURSELF IN THE FOOT

To: Beth
From: Mom
[Text]

Beth If you want guys to ask you out take OFF your FB profile that you're marrid to Emily! Put up a softer, prettier, more feminine picture that does you true justice! I like your CA party picture! You look cute! Get emily OUT now! put up single like Jen. Is there something I should know? How's the course load coming?

To: Beth
From: Mom
[Text]

Beth What you may have thought was funny is NOT. You are presenting yourself, both in your picture & status as lesbian. Homosexuality may be genetic. Jean's uncle is gay. Get a grip on how you are coming across. If you are interested in men, stop shooting yourself in the foot. You are naive. If this has been up as long as you say, you are chasing men away.