Wrinkled Wet Linen Shirt And Two Dead Grey Fish

From: Mom
To: Family

I need a word of support.  I'm not having a good day.  I'm at work and my linen shirt is extremely wrinkled.  I've seen many others wear linen and they all look okay.  Also, my lipstick faded and my lips look like two dead grey fish. Also, i washed my hands and didn't notice all the water on the side of the sink and now my wrinkled shirt is very wet and it looks like perhaps I had an accident.  Also everyone here doesn't seem to realize how wonderful I am. 

From: Dad
To: Family 

Linen schlinen, you are the best…the most honest person on this planet (haven’t been to other planets so can’t comment on them)…our moral compass who keeps us all doing the right thing…the most gorgeous woman I know even when lipstick fades.  BTW, keep looking at your co-workers someone - must have fading lipstick.