This is mostly just really sweet. Especially my Dad's response!
From: Mom
To: The Family
i know you all think i'm psycho about this kind of stuff, but this site is honest and real, and it helps people and non-people in need. (if you all weren't so jaded, you'd know it's true.)
go to the place where you "click", not to the "store." every day there is a heartwarming story. check out today's story about elijah the cat. fabulous.
the tabs to click are on top of the page, providing among other things free mammos and nutrition to children and animals in need; you can even save part of the rain forest. how about checking it out today, even if just today.
it's like, if you can sit in your kitchen wearing just a bathrobe and from right where you are, in about a minute, you can help sustain life in your universe, why not?
i'm well aware that non-believers like sage are sure this is a scam. if it is, all i can say is i've been clicking for a number of years now, and other than my car being towed in somerville the other day, i have not been scammed.
love,
mom
From: Dad
I did it and it wasn't painful. In fact, I feel good.
And here's my first 2011 toast to mom - the world would be a better place with more good souls like you. Keep the faith baby
Chinese Mothers
From JP to EFMM: My dad sent this email about this tyrannic Chinese mother without any context, followed by the message below.
From: Dad
To: JP & Hil
Subject: Chinese Mothers
_____________________________________________________
Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior
CAN A REGIMEN OF NO PLAYDATES, NO TV, NO COMPUTER GAMES AND HOURS OF MUSIC PRACTICE CREATE HAPPY KIDS? AND WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY FIGHT BACK?
By AMY CHUA
A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids. They wonder what these parents do to produce so many math whizzes and music prodigies, what it's like inside the family, and whether they could do it too. Well, I can tell them, because I've done it. Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do:
• attend a sleepover
• have a playdate
• be in a school play
• complain about not being in a school play
• watch TV or play computer games
• choose their own extracurricular activities
• get any grade less than an A
• not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama
• play any instrument other than the piano or violin
• not play the piano or violin.
(FULL ARTICLE)
_____________________________________________________
From: Dad
Thinking about becoming Chinese. We might need to start over in parenting you. You guys up for it?
No Godzilla movies!! (is that Chinese?) ...Whatever
From: Dad
To: JP & Hil
Subject: Chinese Mothers
_____________________________________________________
Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior
CAN A REGIMEN OF NO PLAYDATES, NO TV, NO COMPUTER GAMES AND HOURS OF MUSIC PRACTICE CREATE HAPPY KIDS? AND WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY FIGHT BACK?
By AMY CHUA
A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids. They wonder what these parents do to produce so many math whizzes and music prodigies, what it's like inside the family, and whether they could do it too. Well, I can tell them, because I've done it. Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do:
• attend a sleepover
• have a playdate
• be in a school play
• complain about not being in a school play
• watch TV or play computer games
• choose their own extracurricular activities
• get any grade less than an A
• not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama
• play any instrument other than the piano or violin
• not play the piano or violin.
(FULL ARTICLE)
_____________________________________________________
From: Dad
Thinking about becoming Chinese. We might need to start over in parenting you. You guys up for it?
No Godzilla movies!! (is that Chinese?) ...Whatever
My Classic Momism
To: Peter
Mom. Nice thought, but, in case you have forgotten, you have never once said that to either of us. I hope you enjoyed the wedding!
Hugs,
Peter
From: Mom
Dreading this afternoon's wedding a wee bit. However, I'm trying to take the advice I always gave you kids. In case you have forgotten, it is to always anticipate with hope the unexpected. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hugs,
Mom
Hugs,
Mom
To: Mom
From: Peter
Mom. Nice thought, but, in case you have forgotten, you have never once said that to either of us. I hope you enjoyed the wedding!
Hugs,
Peter
From: Mom
To: Peter
I never said that? In my head that's my classic "Momism." Could you indulge me in a little revisionist history here?
I never said that? In my head that's my classic "Momism." Could you indulge me in a little revisionist history here?
Pre-Cleaning Lady Clean...?
From: Mom
so some people might say, "cut them some slack. you were away for a long time; they did the best they could."
i say, ENOUGH WITH THE SLACK-CUTTING. YOU TWO ARE PIGS. the people from the cleaning service are coming tomorrow. i went into your bathroom, not to make it spotless, but to remove enough filth so i would have a shot of them coming back. the bathtub had so much hair in it. it was so disgusting. i won't say i'm ashamed. yes i will. i'm ashamed.
THIS IS:
THIS IS NOT: YOUR COLLEGE DORM
i say, ENOUGH WITH THE SLACK-CUTTING. YOU TWO ARE PIGS. the people from the cleaning service are coming tomorrow. i went into your bathroom, not to make it spotless, but to remove enough filth so i would have a shot of them coming back. the bathtub had so much hair in it. it was so disgusting. i won't say i'm ashamed. yes i will. i'm ashamed.
THIS IS:
THIS IS NOT: YOUR COLLEGE DORM
TV For Hanukah?
From: Mom
To: Jared
good morning!
missed talking to you yesterday, hope all is well.
anyway, i want to know if you want a tv for hanukah. i am looking around for them and want to make sure thats what you would like. i want to buy it for you if thats what you want. please let me know.
happy Harry Potter movie day!
xoxox
anyway, i want to know if you want a tv for hanukah. i am looking around for them and want to make sure thats what you would like. i want to buy it for you if thats what you want. please let me know.
happy Harry Potter movie day!
xoxox
Never Complain About Your Job Again
From: Dad
To: Family
Subject: Never complain about your job again
From: SJ
Re:
So cleaning up shit is as bad as it gets?
From: Dad
Re:
Actually, I cleaned toilets at Polaroid after I graduated and it wasn't that bad. I think the message is about appreciating what you have--always a good one.
From: Mom
Re:
TELL me the elephant dung girl is wearing gloves
PARTY PLANS: FAIL
From: Mom To: Me Steven's film is coming out in August! From: Me To: Mom No idea who you're talking about LOL From: Mom To: Me oh that's right you never met him. the other kids met him at the wedding. that was the time you posted a party invitation for our old house on facebook when you thought the rest of us would be in north carolina at the wedding but we found out about your plans and dad ended up staying home with you. steven is lynn's nephew. |
THE SLUTTY WHITE SHORTS CHRONICLES
From: Mom
To: Me
i love you so much, and i think you're beautiful. so i hope you don't take this the wrong way: please stop wearing those slutty white shorts.
mom.
To: Me
i love you so much, and i think you're beautiful. so i hope you don't take this the wrong way: please stop wearing those slutty white shorts.
mom.
From: Mom
To: Me
i will give you ten dollars if you let me throw out your slutty white shorts.
another thing. you accuse me of mood swings. but you didn't spend your evening cleaning out cat shit from three litter boxes of the cats that are supposedly your daughter's. and then after you brought all the trash to the curb, your husband didn't inform you that he stepped in dog shit and it got embedded into the soles of his sneakers that have a million tiny little grooves. and while you're having a little hissy fit, you didn't hear your rich next door neighbors in their yard, being all happy and perfect, speaking to each other sensibly and calmly, even the kids.
so don't tell me.
To: Me
i will give you ten dollars if you let me throw out your slutty white shorts.
another thing. you accuse me of mood swings. but you didn't spend your evening cleaning out cat shit from three litter boxes of the cats that are supposedly your daughter's. and then after you brought all the trash to the curb, your husband didn't inform you that he stepped in dog shit and it got embedded into the soles of his sneakers that have a million tiny little grooves. and while you're having a little hissy fit, you didn't hear your rich next door neighbors in their yard, being all happy and perfect, speaking to each other sensibly and calmly, even the kids.
so don't tell me.
i cannot tell a lie: kallie threw out the sluttywhiteshorts.
just kidding. i did. but, listen. think of the anguish and torment i went through before i did it. it was my own personalsophie's choice:
i had to temporarily lie to my daughter (and you KNOW i'm a big fan of truth), or else risk having something bad happen to her because she wouldn't stop wearing slutttywhiteshorts.
can you ever forgive me?
mom.
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