Lesbihonest, Aunt Alice Was A Lesbian

From: JJ

To:  The Fam

I thought I might see Aunt Alice on THIS list. 

From: SJ

too lazy to open the link. is it top 10 lesbians or something?

From: Mom

okay.  let's get the record straight.  my beloved aunt alice (RIP) was NOT a lesbian.  though there is nothing wrong with being a lesbian.  though my aunt alice may have thought something would be wrong with being a lesbian.  but she would be wrong.

i miss my aunt alice.  she was such a nice heterosexual.

From: SJ

did you see her haircut, mom?  lesbihonest, aunt alice was a lesbian. bless her lesbian soul.

From: Mom

no, aunt alice wasn't a lesbian.

by the way, i'm feeling very guilty now.  this started when you three were young and used to say "that's so gay" and i would reply, "you KNOW, aunt alice is a lesbian. there's nothing wrong with being gay!"  i made it up.  out of the blue.  she isn't alive and i'm feeling disrespectful now, both to my aunt and to the gay community.  can we please move on?

brother, the more i talk about it, the more legs this thing gets... 

Onesies For The Family

From: JJ
To: Family


Thoughts on THIS? i think we should buy matching pjs for the fam and wear them on christmas morning. 




From: Dad
To: Family


Do they come in XXXXXL?




From: Mom
To: Family


I think it's a groovy idea. does everyone want this as their Chanukah gift?

Never Complain About Your Job Again

From: Dad

To: Family

Subject: Never complain about your job again

I will never complain about my job ever again.

I will never complain about my job ever again.

I will never complain about my job ever again.

From: SJ

Re:

So cleaning up shit is as bad as it gets?

From: Dad

Re:

Actually, I cleaned toilets at Polaroid after I graduated and it wasn't that bad. I think the message is about appreciating what you have--always a good one.

From: Mom

Re:

TELL me the elephant dung girl is wearing gloves