Showing posts with label Best of Emails. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Best of Emails. Show all posts

Chinese Mothers

From JP to EFMM:  My dad sent this email about this tyrannic Chinese mother without any context, followed by the message below.  


From: Dad
To: JP & Hil
Subject: Chinese Mothers
_____________________________________________________
Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior
CAN A REGIMEN OF NO PLAYDATES, NO TV, NO COMPUTER GAMES AND HOURS OF MUSIC PRACTICE CREATE HAPPY KIDS? AND WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY FIGHT BACK?

By AMY CHUA
A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids. They wonder what these parents do to produce so many math whizzes and music prodigies, what it's like inside the family, and whether they could do it too. Well, I can tell them, because I've done it. Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do:

• attend a sleepover
• have a playdate
• be in a school play
• complain about not being in a school play
• watch TV or play computer games
• choose their own extracurricular activities
• get any grade less than an A
• not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama
• play any instrument other than the piano or violin
• not play the piano or violin.
(FULL ARTICLE)
_____________________________________________________


From: Dad

Thinking about becoming Chinese. We might need to start over in parenting you. You guys up for it?
No Godzilla movies!! (is that Chinese?) ...Whatever

Pre-Cleaning Lady Clean...?

From: Mom

so some people might say, "cut them some slack. you were away for a long time; they did the best they could."

i say, ENOUGH WITH THE SLACK-CUTTING. YOU TWO ARE PIGS. the people from the cleaning service are coming tomorrow. i went into your bathroom, not to make it spotless, but to remove enough filth so i would have a shot of them coming back. the bathtub had so much hair in it. it was so disgusting. i won't say i'm ashamed. yes i will. i'm ashamed.

THIS IS:
THIS IS NOT: YOUR COLLEGE DORM

BEST OF EFMM: Slutty White Shorts

Subject: slutty white shorts and mood swings
From: Mom
To: Me

i will give you ten dollars if you let me throw out your slutty white shorts.

another thing. you accuse me of mood swings. but you didn't spend your evening cleaning out cat shit from three litter boxes of the cats that are supposedly your daughter's. and then after you brought all the trash to the curb, your husband didn't inform you that he stepped in dog shit and it got embedded into the soles of his sneakers that have a million tiny little grooves. and while you're having a little hissy fit, you didn't hear your rich next door neighbors in their yard, being all happy and perfect, speaking to each other sensibly and calmly, even the kids.

so don't tell me.

BEST OF EFMM: My Dad & Craigslist

This is one of my favorite emails of all time, that is now a part of our new BEST OF section! Don't forget to check it out.
__________________________
I'm trying to sublet my apartment and my Dad, since it is his BLING, is really pushing it. But I never have luck on Craigslist, especially when trying to sublet an apartment. It's always people who speak in broken english. One guy asked me if his family of 5 could fit in the room. My dad is so persistant with trying to sublet, he's like "what's wrong with that!? Show it tomorrow!"

From: Me
To: Dad
SEE dad, these are the type of people that respond to ads in Allston!
-----Original Message-----
From: yichin
To: Me
Subject: $700 / 1br - 1br UTILITIES INCLUDED! SUBLET ASAP (Allston)

daer there,

I'm interested in your room, can i ask the gender of the two other roommates? and which floor is it? I'm also in hury.

Pls reply me asap.

yichin
____________________________
To: Me
From: Dad

What’s wrong with those questions? I suggest you answer asap and I can be there when you show the apt.

-Dad

BEST OF EFMM: THE HONDA

You can now read all of the EFMM favorites on our BEST OF page! This was our very first post!

FROM: MOM
SUBJECT: ITS DISGUSTING

THE INSIDE OF THE HONDA IS. DISGUSTING. EVERYTHING IS DIRTY AND STICKY AND I ALMOST CUT MY HAND ON A PIECE OF GLASS OR PLASTIC ON THE FLOOR IN THE BACK. I AM ACTUALLY ASTONISHED THAT I DIDN'T SEE ANY RODENTS OR ROACHES.

CLEAN IT, LITTLE PIGGIES. (I AM ONLY GRATEFUL THAT POPE JOHN PAUL DIDN'T LIVE TO SEE THE INSIDE OF YOUR HONDA. IT WOULD'VE KILLED HIM)

HEY! I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING BRILLIANT! HOW ABOUT (WAIT, JUST HEAR ME OUT) HOW ABOUT YOU KEEP A GARBAGE BAG IN THE HONDA. WAIT, LET ME FINISH. THEN WHEN YOU OR YOUR FRIENDS HAVE A PIECE OF GARBAGE, YOU CAN PUT IT RIGHT IN THAT BAG, THAT GARBAGE BAG. WOW. WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS SOONER.