Is Princess Okay?: Mom Shows Concern for Kim Kardashian's Chihuahua

My mom and I are guilty of watching "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" every Sunday. We sit through the entire hour-long program together, making unnecessary comments throughout as if the Kardashians can hear us. (For example) "Scott is such a pig."--My mom. In last week's episode, Kim happened to stumble upon a stray chihuahua, who ended up needing emergency surgery.

___________________________________

From: Mom

To: Me

Subject: I have a question about Princess

so i'm trying to find out if the chihuahua that kim kardashian found wandering the streets of beverly hills and that she named "princess" (stop it, stop it, stop it), and that ends up needing around-the-clock medical attention, is still with us. the thing is, since we think the show is totally scripted, do you think this really happened or are the producers sleazy enough to hook up a healthy chihuahua to an i.v.?

mom

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From: Me

To: Mom

Re: I have a question about Princess

disturbingly enough, i found the answer. look what staci says at the bottom...

___________________________________

From: Mom

To: Me

Re: I have a question about Princess

now i'm questioning my own integrity for watching the show in the first place.

Texts From DMB Concert

Dad: 6 songs in to Dave Matthews. Your mom is smokin up with the kids.

{submitted by NK}

A Good Old-Fashioned LETTER From Mom

Note from Sue:

I was 19 years old (1974ish) and a sophomore in college, and while enjoying some beers at Johnny's Big Red Grill, I made a plan to go sky diving with some friends. Since I was under 21, I needed a note from my mother. I called my mother on a land-line, and she sent me the following letter:

To Whom It May Concern:

I will allow my daughter, Susan, to go sky diving, however, I do not approve of this.

Sincerely,

Ellen S.

You can imagine how embarassing it was to actually hand this to the place and how embarassing it is to me now - to realize that it never occurred to me to fake a letter! Different times.

"who made this? stupid."

From: MOM

To: RT

Hello my lovely daughter,
This is mommy. Look what I lerned! Do not forget to call ur (your sister taught me the internet language) brother. i was trying to tell you something but then you said you had to go and you hung up on me. I was going to tell you to not go outside. it is cold and wet. if you do go outside make sure you put a scarf around your face so the cold air does not get in. do it. and do not worry about how you look.

Email me back because I only talk to you and ur brother on this internet. I do not have time to talk to everyone we know. I have been typing this for forty minutes. the letters are not in order. who made this? stupid.

love you. call me tomorrow. don't forget.

mommy

Dunkin Donuts is Hiring...

From: Mom

I know you'll find it as an insult, with your college degree and all, and as disappointing as it is, you need to lower your standards right now. YOU NEED A JOB. I've been looking on Craigslist...here is an option. Please consider it and don't get mad. http://cnj.craigslist.org/fbh/1512578388.html

love, mommy

[AD:

Dunkin Donuts (Middlesex county)

Dunkin donut in different locations in middlesex county looking for hordworking, flexible and motivated crew members .Must available over the weekeneds. Competative hourly Pay plus good tips.

If interested please call Jeff 609-xxx-xxxx]

To: Mom

Re:

Why would I be insulted? That's not insulting at all. Jeff only made 8 grammar errors in that two-sentence ad. I will absolutely call him in the morning. Maybe they'll let me clean the bathrooms?

Parking Ticket

From: Mom

To: BW

You got another parking ticket in LA this time for 45.00 on 4/17 at 6730 DeLongpre Ave. at 6:38 PM. Do you remember getting this? Why aren't you answering any of my emails? Do you read the signs?? Did you know I've never received a parking ticket in my entire life? And this is your sixth in the last year?? Love you.

Mom

Mom Loves "The Virgins"

from: mom

to: KL

i remembered that song i was trying to think of.

it was the virgins' "rich girl". ("broken mirror on the bed. he says, so what, he was going to clean it up. then he tells her, 'you don't have to be such an asshole all the time.'")

VOICEMAIL: "your facebook makes you look like a lesbian"

You can find the mp3 here

STOP SHOOTING YOURSELF IN THE FOOT

To: Beth
From: Mom
[Text]

Beth If you want guys to ask you out take OFF your FB profile that you're marrid to Emily! Put up a softer, prettier, more feminine picture that does you true justice! I like your CA party picture! You look cute! Get emily OUT now! put up single like Jen. Is there something I should know? How's the course load coming?

To: Beth
From: Mom
[Text]

Beth What you may have thought was funny is NOT. You are presenting yourself, both in your picture & status as lesbian. Homosexuality may be genetic. Jean's uncle is gay. Get a grip on how you are coming across. If you are interested in men, stop shooting yourself in the foot. You are naive. If this has been up as long as you say, you are chasing men away.