Facebook???

From: Mom

Subject: Facebook

I don't think I really know how to use Facebook. Are you bringing your computer to St.L? Maybe you can show me how to effectively use it; and maybe we can get Aunt Judy to do it--I know she would enjoy seeing all the photos of Jill's kids and Brian's.

(Thanks to LC for the submission)

this is just cute...

From: Mom
Subject: Re: dentist
To: Keegan

why don't you want to go to the dentist??? is there evil with cleaning your teeth??? mom

Please send submissions to emailsfrommymother@gmail.com.

All names, email addresses, and personal information will be omitted for posting. Credit will be given on a first-name basis unless you ask to remain anonymous. If you have any other concerns with sharing your post, please express them with your submission, and they will be addressed beforehand. Other than that, thanks for sharing!

-EFMM

Please don't poo poo this.

From Mom

To: Dan, Ben

Daniel and Ben,

Please read this and please keep those cell phones away from your ears. They are VERY Dangerous. Also dont carry them or put them in your pockets anywhere near your private parts.

We wont see all the repercussions from cell phone use for quite a few years but they are linking cell phones the same as cigarettes where no one heeded the warnings and then so many unfortunately died of cancer.

Please take heed of the warnings my precious sons, I am telling you now that the radiation we are getting from the cell phones is extremely dangerous and can kill ....... just like cigarettes.

I love you both and I want you to be aware. Please dont poo poo this as it is a scientific fact.

xxxxx Mom

IMs w/ Papadukes

JEWISH WIN!--this is enchanting.

(Thanks to Liza for the submission!)

Dad: Wait. You want THAI TAKE OUT for Shabbos dinner?

me: sigh. yes.

Dad: don't you want a nice Shabbos meal at home?

me: sure. a nice thai shabbos meal at home.

Dad: tsmah is fine with me!

me: is that thai in hebrew?

Dad: thai shabbos meal at home. I thought you knew text-speak!

me: hahaha oh, no im not as hip as you apparently. although, funny story- i referred to you today as 'papadukes' to my boss. he totally didn't get it

Dad: ok, so now you can explain it to me!

me: papadukes? youre papadukes and mom is mamadukes. he thought that meant your name was duke

Dad: "I believe it refers to your parents as in, "my old man, I wouldn't mess with him". Like, don't mess with ol' papa dukes. " From the Urban Dictionary. Is that it?

me: hahaa without the badass connotations, sure

Dad: well get this -- Grandma reported tonight that your cousin Maris discovered that Grandpa's Hebrew name is not MordHersh, as he always believed, but ... MordDukes! For real!

me: HAHAHAHA YES!

Dad: Jewish win!

The Suede Jacket

From: Mom
Subject: important
To: Sage

where is your suede jacket. this is unbelieveable. because you've always loved that jacket and have worn it for - what four years now - as a gift to you, i paid $55 to have the zipper (and all buttons) repaired on that jacket, and you LEFT IT SOMEWHERE?! i treat you like a child???!!!!! and where were your dress pants? ya think you'd know where you took them off, wouldn't ya? it only took a month to locate them, lying around somewhere on the third floor. WHERE IS THAT JACKET. if you should remember where you last put it, and if it should still be there, i would like to donate it to a kid who gives a shit. mom

Shower

To make a long story short, our shower drains out very slowly, and it doesn't drain out anything other than water. So when all of the water has gone down, it's disgusting. My cousins came to visit, and my parents were away on vacation. My mom called me before I took a shower, nagging me to clean it.

____________________________________________

From: Me

Subject: embarrassment, bathtub

To: Mom

mom-

just so you're not worrying- i took a shower and waited until it drained out to clean it. so you don't need to worry about ethan and danitza thinking we live like animals.

____________________________________________

From: Mom

Subject: Re: embarrassment, bathtub

To: Me

thank you for that. i was very frightened by your subject line that this was going to be a "danitza and ethan left immediately after seeing our bathtub" email. or "danitza politely asked me if i would mind if she bleached the bathtub before she used it." love you. mom.

texts from my mother

TEXTS FROM MOTHER /// thank you @hottiecakes via twitter

They had refreshments here. Large cookies, etc. I got one that looked like lemon cause it was yellow, but it tasted like cornbread!! I said "where's the beans?"

(feel free to submit texts, tweets, and short emails via twitter- @emailsfrommymom)

RIP DJ AM, love mom

Jordan: here is the only contact my mother has made with me since i moved to england five months ago

________________________________

From: Jordan

To: Mom

did you call me last night? i cant call internationally from my phone so try again tonight if you want

________________________________

From: Mom
To: Jordan

Jordan, did you know that dj Adam Goldstein that died? I don't know why but I have a feeling you do. It's sad.