Emails From Jack Uzi's Mother

Dear Jack Uzi,

I'm so proud you are finally so famous. I see you on the net recently, I knew my baby boy would grow up to be greatest rollerblader ever. You look beautiful, and body is great. Have you talked to Father recently? He would be so proud of your moves. Any ladies would be happy to have you wake up with them. We miss you, I wish internet would allow me to hand you borscht. I see you in this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRd07YOA2X0

love very much, come home soon, keep wind at your back,

-Mama Uzi

Your Sorry Bank Accounts...

Hi Boys,
I transferred $25 into each of your sorry bank accounts. This one is on me. $1 and change and $4 and change? really, boys?…. Please try to keep them over $25.  you know how I worry about fees.
Alex – thanks for getting Philip today. Bring your dry cleaning.
Jeff – Do I have all of your dry cleaning? 
Love you both,
Mom.