From: Mom
To: Family
I need a word of support. I'm not having a good day. I'm at work and my linen shirt is extremely wrinkled. I've seen many others wear linen and they all look okay. Also, my lipstick faded and my lips look like two dead grey fish. Also, i washed my hands and didn't notice all the water on the side of the sink and now my wrinkled shirt is very wet and it looks like perhaps I had an accident. Also everyone here doesn't seem to realize how wonderful I am.
From: Dad
To: Family
Linen schlinen, you are the best…the most honest person on this planet (haven’t been to other planets so can’t comment on them)…our moral compass who keeps us all doing the right thing…the most gorgeous woman I know even when lipstick fades. BTW, keep looking at your co-workers someone - must have fading lipstick.
A Relationship With Your Peace Lily
I asked my Mom how to properly care for my new plant:
From: Mom
To: Me
i would get the soil very wet and let it drain. just observe it as you do it. and make sure you don't water it again too soon. eventually, you and your peace lily will have a deep relationship; she will let you know when to water her, and in gratitude she will continue to bloom and be healthy. (what am i saying? why am i talking like that?)
From: Mom
To: Me
i would get the soil very wet and let it drain. just observe it as you do it. and make sure you don't water it again too soon. eventually, you and your peace lily will have a deep relationship; she will let you know when to water her, and in gratitude she will continue to bloom and be healthy. (what am i saying? why am i talking like that?)
You Should Shave...
From: Mom
To: Me
it is my opinion that you should shave under your arms for your last day of work.
To: Me
it is my opinion that you should shave under your arms for your last day of work.
love,
mom
But I'm Not Like That...
From: Mom
To: Me
remember to vote in this tuesday's primary for mass. senate seat. if i was a controlling type of mother i would say, "of course you're voting for markey, right?" but i'm not like that.
mum
To: Me
remember to vote in this tuesday's primary for mass. senate seat. if i was a controlling type of mother i would say, "of course you're voting for markey, right?" but i'm not like that.
mum
This Request Is So Old
From: Mom
To: Me
dear adult children,
To: Me
dear adult children,
whichever one of you has the visitor parking pass, please return it. jesus. this request is so old. i may die from boredom.
Instead of Keeping It Rolled Up in a Ball...
another free suggestion. just in case you have to wear your sport jacket ever again, instead of keeping it rolled up in a ball on your bed, try hanging it up in the closet conveniently located in your bedroom.
mom
I Just Watched "GIRLS"...
From: Mom
i just watched "girls." can't anyone be happy on that show for more than five minutes? i wanted adam and nathalia to be a happy couple. and why does hannah have to be so repulsive?
i just watched "girls." can't anyone be happy on that show for more than five minutes? i wanted adam and nathalia to be a happy couple. and why does hannah have to be so repulsive?
Your Hideous Green Winter Jacket
From: Mom
To: Me
it's way past the acceptable time for me to tell you what you shouldn't wear.
however. i'm sitting in the dining room and on the chair next to me is your hideous green winter jacket. it is totally ripped at the seam and the stuffing is all exposed.
my question is: how can you ask me if it is appropriate to wear uggs in your office, and yet have no problem showing up at work wearing that rag/jacket, looking like a street urchin?
To: Me
it's way past the acceptable time for me to tell you what you shouldn't wear.
however. i'm sitting in the dining room and on the chair next to me is your hideous green winter jacket. it is totally ripped at the seam and the stuffing is all exposed.
my question is: how can you ask me if it is appropriate to wear uggs in your office, and yet have no problem showing up at work wearing that rag/jacket, looking like a street urchin?
I Haven't Been The Same
From: Mom
To: Me
so sorry if i seem a bit irritable and sullen lately.
i haven't been the same since i lost my hat.
mom
To: Me
so sorry if i seem a bit irritable and sullen lately.
i haven't been the same since i lost my hat.
mom
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